The best day of your life finally comes when you find out your pregnant. In that very moment all your dreams are coming true.
Then you really start dreaming… You picture yourself cuddling your peaceful baby. You picture your hubby and yourself laying in bed staring at your happy baby each morning. You think of all the precious and fun moments with your newborn. I mean that’s how it is for everyone right? It’s got to be right? That’s what social media teaches you.
Months later your dream becomes reality. That precious gift from God has finally arrived and you literally see your heart in human form. You have never loved anything more. From first gaze you know you would do anything in the world for this little baby.
After the chaos of the birth and hospital experience you make it home (whew, first car ride down!). Now, this is when those dream moments truly begin. You get all settled in and your ready for some cuddles!
Then at 2:00 a.m. when your precious babe has been screaming for hours you decide to be “that mom” and call the doctor. You simply can’t believe that you’ve only been home for 48 hours or less and you already need help. Your baby does not have a single interest in the cuddles and giggles that you had planned. Instead this baby that you love so very much will not quit screaming.
After more calls to the doctor and visits too you hear the dreaded five letter word… COLIC. At first you think “oh thank you Jesus! We have an answer!” You do all the things they say….swaddle, bounce, burp, get the right bottles, give them a pacifier, and the list goes on.
Sadly after several more days and weeks your baby is still screaming. You realize colic is just a way for your doctor to tell you that something is wrong with your baby, but who knows what really. That your baby pretty much hates life outside the womb!
By this point your thinking…
“Does our baby hate us?”
” Is it allergic to us?”
“What did we do to cause it so much pain”
“Why can’t we help our own child?”
Your mentally and physically exhausted from the constant screaming. Then your family and friends start to reassure you “oh all babies cry” or “seems fine to me” (for the thirty minutes out of the day they haven’t been screaming!) It literally takes everything in you not to throat punch the next person that tells you “it’ll be ok, babies cry”. All you can think is “NO! This is not normal, my baby is in pain!”
Through the night as your rocking and bouncing away you get on social media to keep yourself awake. Guess what? It’s all pictures of happy smiling babies! Cuddled up in bed, out with the family, or even simply sitting in their swing (which your child hates).
You come to a point of just crying thinking “I got robbed” you love this little baby more than anything in the world and you truly cherish every single moment, but why don’t you get to see your baby happy? Why don’t you get to cuddle without having to hold them so tight your arms go numb just to help them get some relief? Why don’t you get to enjoy this limited time that you have at home? Most importantly, everyone told you “cherish the newborn months, you’ll never get them back” and your sitting there thinking I’m not getting the normal newborn time to begin with. I’m getting robbed of this time with my child.
This colic (or maybe something more) is taking your joy from the most happy time of your lives.
You feel guilty for complaining because you know some people never get to experience a newborn at all. You feel like people will think you don’t love your child if they hear you complain. You just want to stay in your house and hold that beautiful baby tight and pray for relief.
You mama are not alone. Even though all those pictures on social media tell you that your the oddball who can’t help their baby. Even though your closest family and friends don’t even understand. I promise YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
How do you think I’m sharing this with you? Pure personal experience that I’m living right now! As I type I’m holding her in the only position that helps her and gets her some rest and typing this on my phone. (At 6:00 a.m. to keep myself awake) Our beautiful girl has been fighting tummy issues from day one and literally screams in pain daily. We have tried it all including six different formulas! We are even heading to a pediatric GI in a few weeks, and praying they have some answers.
We have held her and cried with her many times, and struggled with no one understanding. I get it mama. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. While I don’t have a solution for you as we are still searching ourselves I can tell you that if you haven’t reached the first smile yet you will. Not one of those gas smiles that they can’t control, but a pure genuine smile. Their first happy moment! (Praise Jesus!)
I promise the whole heartbreaking experience will teach you to notice and enjoy the happy moments more than many others. Then soon you’ll be getting a little happy cuddle time each day, and you’ll even get some of those cute pictures yourself. You will finally get some happy baby moments!
So today mama I challenge you to not feel bad and to not compare your newborn life with others. However, go share your struggle. I haven’t gone into much detail of our girls issues on social media, but I have posted about her tummy issues for people to pray. Through that I finally had some mamas to talk to! Other ladies who know the struggle and understand!
We are gonna get through this mama! Every time you are frustrated and heartbroken for your little one just remember that you will never take for granted the happy moments. It will be okay and your baby will be okay because you are there right where you need to be.
A Mama who gets it